Which kind of Instagrammer are you?

1. The anything-also-post.

He/ she will post photos of everything and anything. An opened styrofoam packet of zhap cai png, with red plastic bag as backdrop. Caption: “My lunch.”

(Sorry if I come across as damn elitist. I swear I love zhap cai png, but it is just not photogenic.)

There is no effort to make the picture look better- no edit, no filter, no sense of aesthetic, nothing. Basically just to show everyone what he/she ate for lunch. Because really, we are all dying to know.

Just please… dont take photos of your (processed) lunch in the toilet bowl 24 hours later. That would be really #shitty.

 

2. The beggar.

The desperado who keeps begging for people to follow, like his/ her photos or to give him/ her a shoutout , like as if his/ her life depended on it. Usually would post multiple and usually long-winded comments on photos of celebrities or popular IG people.

“PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE follow/ like my photos!!! It would mean soooooooo much to me!! It would totally like make my day!! PLEASE!!!”

“I am an aspiring singer/ musician/ actress etc, and it would mean so much to me if you could give me a shoutout. Thank you sooo much!!”

“SHOUTOUT PLEASEEEEEEEEE.”

“Hi can I have a shoutout please?” (Even when they ask politely, its still annoying.)

Look. You have your own IG. Nobody is obliged to like, follow or give u a “shoutout”. If you’re interesting and post nice photos, people will naturally like and follow. No need to go around begging.

 

3. The attention-seeking !@#$%.

The girl who flashes cleavage in every photo. Usually accompanied with a duck face.

 

4. The subtle attention-seeking !@#$%.

Somewhat similar to the above but much more subtle. She will take photos of herself in her “new sports bra” (Cmon. You know very well its not the sports bra all the ogling pervs are interested in) and photos of herself (obviously naked) in a bubble bath. Because bubbles are that interesting!

 

5. The sneaky bastards b*****s who suck-up.

The one who goes around liking EVERYONE’S photos and posting (insincere) compliments, usually a one-word “Naise~” or “Chio!”, simply because she cannot be bothered to come up with more words. (Also her vocabulary is likely to be extremely limited.)

By doing so, especially on popular bloggers’ IG photos, she gets the exposure and also provides a link to HER IG. Can gao-por others AND advertise yourself at the same time. Killing two birdies with one self-serving stone. Buay pai!

You know what they say.

Dont be afraid of enemies who attack you, be very afraid of friends who flatter you. 

 

6. The plain old trolls aka POTs.

The usually unattractive boys and girls who go around posting negative or downright rude comments on photos.

“Eww.”

“Wh*re.”

“Yucks.”

“You look like a s****.”

 

7. The vicious trolls.

One step up from the plain old trolls. POTs are relatively harmless because they’re quite dull (read: stupid) and can only fire simple one-worded empty insults. Vicious trolls however, would write very long comments describing how ugly, sad, pathetic or disgusting you are. Others do it via back-handed compliments, for example:

“Wow you look nice today. Did you lose weight/ throw up your dinner last night/ pay someone to do your makeup?”

Some would even go as far as to diagnose personality disorders purely based on your IG photos.

Jesus Christ, so talented.

Sooner or later, all the psychiatrists are going to be out of a job.

 

8. The know-it-all expert 

The one who thinks she (because 90% of such people are females) knows whats best for you, what looks best on you etc. And then offers unsolicited fashion, beauty or diet advice. And you’d better take her advice because clearly, she knows best.

“Nice outfit, but those shoes are all wrong. This would look so much better with Louboutins.”

“The brows are just wayyyy too strong.”

“You’re too pale/ too tanned. Get some sun/ ease up on the tanning!”

“Why are you wearing so much makeup? Less is more!”

“Dont wear shorts. You have cellulite.”

“You’re too skinny/ fat. You should really eat more/ diet/ exercise/ go for Yoga/ go for Pilates/ go for liposuction.”

“Why are you trying to look white/ black/ Asian? You should embrace your roots and love yourself the way you are!”

This one is my absolute favorite. Because you get fashion, beauty and diet advice for FREE!! Dont mind me, I am just a typical gian png Singaporean. Free, I take!

 

9. The #hashtag #every #damn #thing 

He/ She would post one photo of the his/ her lunch or dinner. (In case you havent noticed.. Taking pictures of food has become a global phenomenon. I suspect Instagram plays a huge part in this.)

Then comes the barrage of hashtags:

#lunch #dinner #food #restaurant #nameofrestaurant #delicious #yummy #getinmytummy #soooooyummy #ilovefood #eattolive #livetoeat #pasta #rice #chicken #fish #beef #seafood #thisanimaldiedforme #sgig #potd #whatiatetoday

#OEI. #ENOUGH #ALREADY #HOR?

 

10. The entitled curious one.

She will post questions on IG photos, and demand to know where that IG-er got her top/ bottom, where she got her hair done, what hair color, what brand and color of nail polish, what brand of makeup, name of the eyeshadow/blush/ lipstick/ lip gloss, what brand of contact lens she uses, where to buy it etc.

“What brand is this??”

“What brand is that?”

“Where can I buy this?”

“Where can I buy that?”

“What color is that?”

“Please tell me where you bought that top!”

(When they dont get a reply/ response) “How come you never share where you get your stuff? You’re so selfish!”

I once replied someone (I dont usually do so, but that time really buay tahan) who left an angry comment on Michelle Phan’s IG photo, complaining how MP “never” replies comments and ” conveniently ignores” her followers’ questions. If all Michelle does all day is sit and answer questions, she would never have any time to do any work. She’s not getting paid to answer your questions weyyy.

Some people can be so unreasonable and self-centered. Ptui.

 

So, which annoying Instagrammer are you? :)

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