Month: January 2014

WHAT THE F.

Okay this is SOLID 24K GOLD.

 

off-lightswitch

I am SUPER TURNED OFF.

 

I dont even know what to name this entry. WTF is the most apt.

Last week I met an old (sort of) friend for lunch. (Knew him since 2006 or 2007.)

I havent seen him since early 2010 and he got married about a year ago. The last time we met was over dinner at Sushi Tei in Holland V. He had just ended a relationship then and I remember him telling me that his ex girlfriend had cheated on him and that he was not ready for a relationship. Very soon after he started dating this girl, and things were pretty serious. After a few years, they tied the knot.

So as a friend, obviously I was happy for him.

He would occasionally comment on my Facebook posts but other than that, we did not have much interaction over the last three years.

After lunch, he went back to work and I went about running my errands. He sent me some Whatsapp messages which were inappropriate, to say the least.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better I feel damn wasted I never got a chance to sleep with you.”

Errrrr. Okayyyyy.

I sent him three smirky faced emoticons because I did not know what to say.

And then he sent me THIS:

“having said that, Im curious. would you consider sleeping with me? and you know that im being completely upfront about everything cos Im not making any false promises or telling you any lies. I find you very attractive so Im curious how it would be like if we fucked… haha :D”

Yes, word for word. Down to the letter.

….

 

I was speechless.

It was shock, followed by disbelief. And then I got REALLY PISSED.

This is so wrong on so many levels. So where should I even begin?

Lets see:

1. He is married.

2. He CHOSE to date someone else, married her and THEN come looking for me, thinking Id somehow be receptive to his sexual advances.

3. He chose to ask me if he can fuck me, via Whatsapp. Much smooth. So wow. Such amaze.

4. He was fairly confident that I would be open to it, because otherwise he wouldnt have asked so blatantly. Which leads me to think that he must have thought that….

a. I am THAT easy.

b. I can overlook the fact that he is married.

c. I would happily have sex with him knowing that he ONLY wants sex. Nothing more, nothing less.

d. I have no expectations whatsoever and I dont expect to be treated with respect. You wanna do me? Sure….. Of course. Why not?

Sure. Lets fuck, so that YOU can satisfy YOUR fucking curiosity.

Erm…. if I have to sleep with every guy who finds me “very attractive” and is “curious” to find out how it would be like to fuck me, I would be a very very very very busy woman.

I have not felt this insulted in a very long time. If a man had any decency at all, he wouldnt ask a woman if she is willing to fuck him, OVER FUCKING WHATSAPP. What, were you raised in jail?? This is unacceptable. Especially coming from a man who had been privileged enough to receive higher education. I guess they dont teach manners or class in law school.

And most ridiculous of all.. he somehow thought that being “completely upfront”, “not making any false promises” and “not telling me lies” are good enough reasons for me to WANT to do him.

This is the same kind of ass attitude some men have, thinking that women should WANT to date them simply because they’re “not assholes”. Cmon, name me a whole list of shit things you’re NOT. Because that is so attractive.

 

I want to know how a man can be so fucking deluded to think that a woman would happily sleep with him, fully aware that she is nothing more than just a warm vagina to him. I am not a prude but this is beyond fucking ridiculous.

I think I know why I was “targeted” by him . I live alone and can host. Therefore saving him the trouble of having to source for… location. That must be why I am sooo damn “attractive”. Attractive enough to wanna bang on a semi-regular basis in MY HOME, but somehow not attractive enough to date or take seriously as a potential long term partner.

(He had dinner with me, then went on to date someone else. I was friend-zoned. Not that I was interested in him, because I wasnt. But fact remains that he did not choose to date me.)

In every and any kind of relationship, both parties need to bring something to the table. Its like a business partnership. If one party has nothing to offer, eventually the relationship will wilt. In a romantic relationship, things dont always have to be equal but it does need to be reciprocal.

Nobody likes to be taken advantaged of, or be taken as a sucker or a fool.

 

So. What are you bringing to my table, Mr Wishful Thinking?

Sex?

Please take your hot piece of dick and ass, go home to your wife and do her. Because I sure aint doing you. I dont know what kind of shit “arrangement” you have with her, which apparently allows you some “leeway” to do other chicks whilst being married, but I dont want to know. And I dont know why you chose to marry her if she’s the kind of girl who’ll fuck around behind your back.

I do need you to know that I am many things, but definitely not stupid. Nor promiscuous, for that matter.

Ive met countless douchebags over the years. This isnt the first time, probably wont be the last. Maybe its my slutty party girl face. Who knows? Turns out the easiest girls are usually the ones who actually look & dress like prudes. #irony

So please allow me to be very clear on one thing:

I only date gentlemen who know how to treat ladies with kindness and respect. This is the bare minimum and I expect nothing less from men. Even then, it does not mean I will invite him into my home, much less my bed. 

This is like…… someone trying to enter the First Class lounge without a fucking boarding pass. AND THEN want to breeze through immigration via the express lane. You cant help but snort at the sheer audacity of it all. Wtf. What was he thinking?

 

P.S: This is all the fucking you’re gonna get from me. You’re welcome.

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Taurus.

http://my.horoscope.com/horoscope/sunsigns/sunsignprofile.aspx?sign=2

Pretty accurate, I would say. :)

 

Personality:

Strong, dependable Taurus leads the way when it comes to reaping the rewards of hard work. Lovers of everything that is fine and beautiful, Taureans surround themselves with material gains. This is a sensual, tactile sign. Touch is very important in everything from work to romance. Stable and conservative, Taureans are among the most reliable of the zodiac. While sometimes viewed as stubborn, this sign will plod along on a task until the very end, ensuring that everything is up to standard. They’re highly creative and thoroughly enjoy making things with their own hands.

Love & sex:

Be prepared to take your time when it comes to the Taurus lover. Exceptionally sensual, touch is most important, and being rushed in any way, shape, or form is not going to turn this sign on. Mates are often from the same status and social circle able to match the Bull’s intellect and desire for the better things in life. Expect affections to be shown through material items – the Taurus is a great gift-giver.

Friends & family:

Domestic affairs are very important to the Taurus. Values surrounding family are usually strong and fixed to the point where the Bull will do anything to protect them. Intelligence and a good sense of humor make this sign great company, and Taureans are often sought for advice on the practical way of doing things. Once a friend is made and trusted, this relationship will last for a lifetime. They’re loyal and always willing to lend a hand.

In fact, many friendships for the Taurus start in childhood. Promises and oaths to others are taken seriously. Time spent with family members is also prized. Taureans adore children, and will be the first at family events such as reunions and holiday gatherings. They love to entertain in their own homes and don’t think twice about having a house full of friends and relatives to celebrate life’s events.

Careers & money:

Stability is the keyword for this sign. The key phrase for Taurus is “I have.” Taureans love money, and they’re not afraid to work hard to get it. On the job, the Taurus is dependable, patient, and thorough. Once they set their minds to a project, they will stick with it until completion, regardless of how long or complicated it might be. Taureans are on time, up for almost anything, and diligent.

A sense of one’s values is a huge motivator when it comes to the Taurus. Second to that is the love of the rewards that follow hard work. Because members of this sign love to surround themselves with material finery and enjoy the better foods and luxuries that life has to offer, work is very important. It is the means to an end – and the Taurus is always aware of this.

Taureans are excellent managers of money. They will pay their bills on time and will keep a reserve tucked away. On occasion, you can see some overspending, but this is only once in a while. The Taurus will plan for the item they desire and save until they have the additional resources to attain what they want. Careers that suit this strong sign are farming, banking, medicine, education, and building.

Taurus Key Words:

Strengths:
Dependable, patient, musical, practical.
Weaknesses:
Stubborn, uncompromising, possessive.
Charismatic marks:
Solid, big bones, tendency to gain weight.
Likes:
Gardening, cooking, working with hands, music, romance, high-quality clothing.
Dislikes:
Sudden changes, complications, insecurity of any kind, synthetic fabrics.
Best environment:
A secluded home close to nature. Good food is also important. Beauty and comfort are a must.

Red flags.

This is based on a whole decade of dating and stupid mistakes on my part. Unfortunately we were all young, naive and foolish (at least) once.

RED FLAG 1:

He does not introduce you to his friends, and more importantly, to his family ESPECIALLY his parents. If after a few months of dating, he has not brought you home & introduced you to his family, and does not seem to have any intention to do so soon in the near future, its very likely that he has no plans to do so, ever.

Because you’re not in his long term plans and you’re most likely just a disposable plaything until the next girl plaything comes along.

Dont buy into this, and PLEASE….

Never make excuses for a manHe is plenty capable of doing that, all on his own.

RED FLAG 2:

He cannot add you on Facebook, for whatever reasons.

People add people on Facebook all the time, heck I even have people on Facebook whom Ive never met in real life. They are merely there for networking purposes, and have minimal access to my profile.

If he cannot add you on Facebook (or any other social networking platforms), it means that there is someone (read: his girlfriend or wife) in there, whom he doesnt want you to know about, and VICE VERSA. There is simply no other explanation.

Dont buy that bullshit if he claims he doesnt have a Facebook account. Even grandmothers, toddlers and DOGS these days have Facebook/ Instagram accounts.

No Facebook? Sure no problem, you two can just be VERY GOOD FRIENDS. (Read: no sex) Its very simple. :D

 

RED FLAG 3:

Smoke and Mirrors.

If you tag him in Facebook posts and the only people who are “liking” and commenting are all your friends and none of his, it only means one thing:

He adjusted his privacy settings such that he has to approve tagged posts of him, before they appear on his timeline, and he has chosen NOT to approve the posts you tagged him in.

Why? Because he doesnt want anybody on his Facebook to see your tagged photos of him.

This is a huge red flag.

I once dated someone who updated his relationship status to “In a Relationship” with me. It was odd though that NOBODY liked his post. Not a single one of his friends. On my side of things however, I had dozens of “likes”. Posts like a new relationship naturally get PLENTY of likes.

Dont get me wrong, I dont give a rat’s ass about Facebook “likes” and comments.

What this means is that he had specifically adjusted his privacy settings such that I was the only person who could see his status update and relationship status.

There is no reason to be so shifty and secretive, if you genuinely love someone and is proud to be their partner. Needless to say, that relationship did not last very long and he was even dating other people before we ended our relationship.

Also, if you are the only one who tags him and he never ever tags you in any post EVER, it probably also means he is reluctant to let others (read: other girls) know that he’s taken and he’s not officially off the market. Caveat emptor!

RED FLAG 4:

He is miserly and/ or calculative.

A man who is stingy and calculative when he’s with you, is definitely not serious about you. 

If a man sees you as a potential life partner, he will never be stingy or calculative towards you. He wants to impress and pamper you, your happiness and comfort will be some of his top priorities. A man would never ill-treat the possible future mother of his children. Even if he does not want kids, he is a MAN- the huge ego is part of the package. He wants to impress the woman he loves.

I had an ex-boyfriend who made me pay him $0.30 for a plastic ruler he had helped me purchase at Popular bookstore. 30 cents!! 

We only ever watched ONE movie throughout our entire 2 year relationship (yep, on the first date), because he said movies are “too expensive”. Another ex-boyfriend complained the whole way home after dinner with me, because that dinner cost him a whole week of $2 chicken rice.

Dont laugh, this is a true story.

And yet he was surprisingly generous with throwing hundreds & hundreds of dollars on alcohol very frequently…… when there were some of his “stewardess friends” around. It was even more odd when one of those “friends” had to go to the ladies, and he followed her, claiming that he wanted to “make sure she was safe”. Wow, how gentlemanly eh.

When we left the club, I asked him,

“So let me get this straight- you accompanied X to the ladies to ensure she was “safe”, but you left YOUR GIRLFRIEND *points at myself* at the bar, to get harassed by other men?” He couldnt answer me. I suppose my safety was less important, because I not stewardess mah.

I ended up dumping him some time later, because I found out he had been flirting with random chicks on some online forums. What am I- DEAD??

Dont be that woman dating a cheap bastard, thinking he’s “thrifty”. He will happily spend on another woman he likes and wants to impress.

RED FLAG 5:

He is unreliable and flaky.

He does not call when he says he will, he doesnt reply your messages or claims he never saw them. You can see that he’s active on Facebook (or other social media), but your Whatsapp messages mysteriously go unread for hours.

He basically just doesnt give a shit.

He breaks dates often and “flies your aeroplane” frequently. He says he will do this or that but never does. He blows off plans with you, to hang out with his buddies instead.  He always leaves you hanging, uncertain if you’ll be meeting him.

All these means that he does not care about your feelings and that he is okay with disappointing you. Not a good sign.

RED FLAG 6:

He is passive and lazy.

He never seems very keen to spend time with you, or make effort to please you. He hardly calls or texts you. He takes hours to return a call or reply your messages. Especially when you can see that he has checked his Whatsapp, but somehow chose not to reply your message. Every time you request for a favor- big or small, he does it begrudgingly and reluctantly. He appears wary of being taken advantaged of, and has to state his boundaries very clearly to you, to manage your expectations of him. This way, he’ll never have to invest much effort to string you along until he gets bored and moves on.

For example.. I had an ex-bf who had to kindly remind me that he is not my chauffeur, after attaining his driving license. And told me that  I should not expect him to send me home after dates, because its not his “obligation”.

Ah right. Fucking noted. Its not my “obligation” to date you either, you lazy POS.

Men are hunters, by instinct. If he wants you, he WILL. HUNT. YOU. DOWN. “Busy” is simply a convenient EXCUSE cooked up by a man who is simply not that interested to spend his time with you. If he is truly in love with a woman, free time will magically appear.

Every girl needs to read “He Is Just Not That Into You.” by Greg Behrendt. This book is such an eye-opener. Its written by a man who used to be a player, and its brutally honest and refreshing. Women tend to be too nice, too forgiving. We LOVE making excuses for people we like.

I personally think it is tragic when a woman wastes all her good childbearing years and precious youth on a man who doesnt care about her and never will. No amount of money can buy back all the lost years. Hence, a woman investing her time and her youth in a man, is the most hefty investment anyone can make.

I only ever regretted wasting too much time with someone who wasnt worth my time, so now my mantra has become:

If in doubt, DUMP HIS ASS.

If a man truly loves you, YOU. WILL. KNOW. You wont have to wonder at all. If you’re doubting his intentions half the time and you’re not really happy, I can assure you that you’re most likely (99.9999%) wasting your time.

NEXT!

RED FLAG 7:

He gets very sensitive about you looking at his things, especially his PHONE.

I had an ex-boyfriend who had to delete ALL his texts (both inbox AND outbox) before showing me his phone. I know because there were ZERO messages in both his message inbox and outbox, strange isnt it?  (I honestly just wanted to check out Blackberry’s software, because I was contemplating between Iphone or BB.)

Needless to say, I discovered why…….a few years too late.

The ONLY thing I regret now is not loving & respecting myself enough to walk away from that relationship sooner.

 

RED FLAG 8:

Sudden change in behavior. Or suddenly an asshole.

If he started out extremely sweet, caring and attentive, but then all of a sudden his behavior changes, you should be wary. It usually means he’s got his eyes on someone else.

If he never wears cologne or goes to the gym, but suddenly he starts doing all these things, it means he’s trying to look sexy and appealing to someone else.

If he starts behaving like an asshole, he is trying to get YOU to break up with him, because he doesnt want to be “the bad guy”. Men do this all the time. Instead of breaking it off, they think its better or “kinder” to just treat the girlfriend like crap for a while, until SHE gets sick of it, and ends it. Then he can simply shrug and move on.

By then it could have dragged on for months or even a year or more, because women tend to be SUPER forgiving and patient when it comes to men they love. I know it all too well. And the longer you’ve been with the guy, the harder it is to break it off, because you go like, “Aiya.. we’ve already been together for x years leh….” 

Guess what. It doesnt matter. They dont care. Men dont usually get sentimental over such shit.

Also, if he doles out crap and you just take it, he loses all respect for you. He will never tell you that. But if you continue to stick around, despite his lame excuses and last minute BS, it only means you love him so much, you are willing to take whatever crap he does, and you will take all his shit, no matter how shitty.

(LOL, NOPE DONT THINK SO BUDDY.)

Unless you want to be miserable, you need to prove him wrong. Unless he has a magic dick which ejaculates cash, he is REPLACEABLE. No one is that fucking special.

So my suggestion is, give him the benefit of the doubt the first time you notice something off. Maybe he’s cranky. He might just be having a bad day or week. No reason to be an unreasonable bitch.

BUT, if it happens more and more regularly or gets worse over the course of a couple of weeks (1 month TOPS), DUMP HIM. He’s either into someone else or he just plain doesnt want to be your boyfriend anymore, for whatever reasons. You dont even need to care why. People change.

Next!

 

 


 

If you recognize these red flags, and your boyfriend is displaying most (or all!) of these shitty behavior, I suggest you kick his sorry ass out the door asap. He does not deserve any of your love and affection.

Be kind, make sure there is nothing blocking the path on his way out. :)

Are you seated? Here’s something every lady needs to know:

We dont need men to love us.

 

We can love ourselves. Mind you, that is the BEST KIND OF LOVE. It is rock solid, unwavering, and true. Nothing a man can give you, will ever top this love you give to yourself. It is priceless.

You deserve nothing less than wonderful. We all do. Dont accept mediocrity.

 

Kindred Image

http://kindredimage.org/the-film/

This breaks my heart. How anyone can abandon a baby or a child is truly beyond me.

Ive made a donation to this charity because I truly feel that its for a good cause. And obviously there are cynical people out there who will think its a scam.

But what if it isnt?

Simply sharing on Facebook isnt enough. All the “Likes” in the world are not going to provide food & shelter for these abandoned babies & children.

Please donate if you can.

 

 

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Beyond Shitty

Whatever you do, please do not purchase any packages from Beyond B**uty.

You WILL regret it.

I signed a facial package with them about two months back- 10 sessions for $688. The first session was pretty alright, I felt the extraction was thorough enough to my liking, and not too painful so I took up the package. I requested for the same therapist for my future facial sessions and I was told its not a problem.

Subsequently, when I went for my facial, I was told that the original therapist who did my first facial had been “transferred” to another outlet. I couldn’t resist rolling my eyes. How convenient for your therapist to be “transferred” to another outlet, right after I had signed a package!!

The other therapists who did the facial for me…. were just plain unskilful. I seriously doubt that they have ever been properly trained.

The last time I went for my facial, I had this PRC lady do my facial and she was by far the WORST. She did not steam my face prior to the facial, claiming that it was “not necessary” (erm actually IT IS), then proceeded to do the extraction with a metal extractor (which I prayed had been cleaned & sterilized). I requested she used her fingers instead. She had such long nails and exerted so much direct force (with her fucking NAILS!), so much so I could feel her nails digging into my skin even with tissue wrapped around her fingers, that I told her to stop and just use the extractor instead.

Look. I dont expect a painless facial. In fact I am OKAY with pain. What I am NOT okay with, is that even after spending nearly TWO HOURS in a facial salon, paying the money, and going through the PAIN, I still leave with a face full of clogged pores which havent been cleared properly and I dont feel ANY DIFFERENCE, facial or no facial. My pores are still as clogged as before.

I dont understand what the two hours was spent doing. It was like me lying there while somebody went through the motions.

No pain, no gain. I get it. But time + money + pain= No results?? No thanks.

Thats it. I am going back to AsterSpring.

They’re definitely pricier but at least I leave with a very clean and smooth face EVERY TIME. I am a woman with a mission- When I go for a facial, I need my pores cleared, I want the comedones extracted. Its that simple. Im not asking for the moon. I had enough dealing with shitty facial salons, who are full of “therapists” who dont know what the fuck they’re doing and even blatantly try to cut corners (pre-extraction steaming and post-extraction UV thingy) , thinking I dont know any better.

Its “not necessary”? You might as well be honest and tell me you’re simply too lazy to walk out to get the machine into the room and then have to push it out later.

Ive tried B*oSkin and M*dern Beauty too, not sure which is the worst one but they’re ALL BAD.  They get you to pay for packages and top up for random shit every time, and yet provide really shit services with usually poor customer service, and corners are cut in every way. The biggest mystery is HOW they even manage to not just survive but open so many fucking outlets.

The ONLY other salon besides AsterSpring which is really good is Su Beau. They’re very similar to AsterSpring, also rather pricey but their therapists are definitely trained and they also use Dermalogical products. BUT the extraction will very likely make you cry, its that painful. That was what happened to me the last time and thats why I never bought a new package. That therapist was pressing so hard on my face, her hands were shaking. I dont know what she was trying to do to my skin, like my face had murdered her entire family or something!

Sometimes, you just really get what you pay for. Ive paid $600 and $688 respecttively for packages (of 10 sessions) at M*dern and Beyond Shitty. Only used a few times for each. What a complete utter waste of money.

I am a VERY pissed off woman.